Southern Pines, North Carolina-  After finishing up our Screaming O event in Athens, Georgia we went to Pure Gold in Southern Pines, leaving the warm weather and college students for the cooler temperatures and golf communities of North Carolina. On our trusty steed we traveled all day and made it just in time to watch the rerun of the Olympics and drink about five vodka and ginger ales.

People appear to be under the impression that because we work this job, we sleep until noon, wake up, smoke a cigarette and go to work where we drink all night and then repeat the whole thing all over again the next day. Good thing we really wake up at about 8:30 and get going with writing, working, phone calls, errands and workouts because housekeeping felt the need to knock on the door EVERY morning at about 9AM. However, breakfast was delicious every morning. 

Being unfamiliar with an area, but still having to get things done can be difficult. Inevitably there is some bizarre rule or way of doing something, which is unique to that area. This week it was tanning. Not wanting to be Vitamin D deficient (of course) we found the local tanning place which was close (this club did a good job of putting us in a great location) and paid full price for a tan that could not excel beyond two minutes because we were not from North Carolina. Didn’t matter that I am from Texas, I rarely burn and I had JUST come from Florida where the sun perpetually parks. North Carolina said, “We know what’s best for your body”. I was so glad I had this governmental management or else who knows what kind of shenanigans I could have gotten into at that tanning salon.

In our ubiquitous quest to view beautiful bodies, which is the real reason we do this job, well, that all the respect that comes along with it, our journey lead us to Pure Gold in North Carolina, where the golf courses are many and the buffets are plenty The stage and the ladies were great in this club. Not only were the women striking but the stage was huge. While I was in between shows, I began to film for our pilot and conduct interviews for our radio show with some of the dancers who were getting ready. I was in the dressing room when I looked over and saw this girl fixing her make-up. As she bent over the counter to get closer to the mirror to apply her eyeliner, I observed she had the most perfectly round butt. It looked exceptional in her tight purple dress. I mentioned it to Tony off-handedly later on before the next show. After the kickass show, where Tony did his thing and made a party happen, we headed on the floor to sign autographs and sell promo. Suddenly Tony says, “That’s her isn’t it?” I never told him who she was or what she was wearing, all I said was that I saw this girl who had a great butt. Tony never misses a good butt I am learning.

While the ever-achieving Olympians completed their fourteen-day competition, while the healthcare debate disputed in Blair house (?) and killer whales surprised everyone by actually killing, I had a great time learning about the area and performing in this club. Now, I didn’t get the flowers in the dressing room like ALL of their other clubs do, but Jerry Reid Jr. was there to visit and say “hello”. It’s always nice to meet an owner and visit face-to-face. 

Next week it is on to Déjà Vu Showgirls in Tampa, Florida for the Screaming O Event. Can’t wait to see who has the best “O Face” in Tampa.

Athens. Georgia- Ever have that feeling that you get of perpetual insecurity when you are driving and it begins to get dark and the roads get smaller and more desolate and it ends up being just you and one other car, which remains behind you for miles? I always have that feeling when my GPS leads me to an event in a city or town I have never been to. One thing I have learned in my travels is that major places and events can have dirt roads leading to them. Last week Tony and I hosted a Screaming O event in Athens, Georgia with the Girls Gone Wild crew at Sexy Suz Adult Store’s one-year anniversary.

Recently Tony and I have had more gigs in which we host events for the Screaming O, one of the top novelty product companies. And the people in Athens, Georgia really blew it up. Suz, the owner who was indeed “sexy”, had the best staff. Tali, her top seller knew everything about every product in the store. We even blind-folded her and told her what we wanted and she still found it, and THAT is a dedicated employee. Lindsey was our helper for the event and she became our wingman instantly, even setting up the photographers Wesley and Brian to take photographs and film with our video camera. I couldn’t believe the enthusiasm and generosity that they extended towards us, although I could easily get used to it. And it didn’t stop there, Charles, Suz’s husband and marketing strategist who constructed the whole advertising blitz, treated everyone to dinner at a great sushi restaurant. Yes… I could definitely get used to being treated like this at every gig, oh well, eventually we have to go back to the clubs.
 
 Sexy Suz had a live radio remote all day along with the Girls Gone Wild Bus parked out in front and Tony and I inside getting the best Screaming O face from everyone who came in. The diversity of the people that came into the store made me think about all of the faux outrage that some portray against these establishments. With all of the before hand marketing and advertising along with the radio, us and GGW the store had a record day in sales. I guess advertising really does work when it’s done right.

Later we picked up some sexy girls from the Top Dawg bar and crowded onto the Girls Gone Wild bus to head around town. As the gliding billboard bus cruised through campus the attention we received varied from location to location. The campus loved it, especially the frat houses which raised their drinks and waved. Cars honked as we parked at the Varsity, a popular diner spot. In front of the Laundromat and mall, not so much until a father brought his three little boys up because they “… had to see what a Girls Gone Wild girl looked like.” She looks like that same girl you see pretty much everywhere. Ironically, while we were on the GGW bus touring, we saw the GGW crew twice.

After that it was time to get back to the Top Dawg bar for the main event, the Screaming O Show. Tony has made this show famous worldwide, with it appearing both on mainstream television’s The Bad Girls Club and the CBS Morning Show, so everyone was really anticipating the event. We were informed that this was a “liberal” area for Georgia so there wouldn’t be any problems, but I know that no matter how “liberal” the place seems, the police and moral majority are not. So it was only a matter of a few hours before the police made the GGW bus, which was parked in front of Top Dawg, move and then the police just sat in front of the bar. One day they will learn that there are other more urgent real violent things to deal with other than a Screaming O event.

Top Dawg treated us like royalty the whole time we were there, another reason why we love these events.  Before the show we got everyone fired up by throwing Screaming O product, which the company generously sent plenty of, and people went nuts for it. It didn’t matter if it was a vibrator being thrown to a crowd of guys, they acted as if I was throwing them the actual girl who would use that.  When the event started it went so well that the crowd was almost uncontainable, but the bar didn’t disappoint with the security and Bradford and his friends had everything under control. Tony, always being quick with a mic in his hand, knew the perfect way to balance the excitement of the frenzy while he kept things rolling. The bar owner noticed the difference a good emcee makes when it comes to hosting an event. The ring master did his thing and the bar also had a record night despite the fact that they were one of seventy bars all crammed in to an area of a few blocks.

With the whirlwind of the Screaming O event over, we are off to our next booking in Southern Pines to the Pure Gold Club. I can’t believe I am saying this, but Athens, Georgia will be a tough act to follow, but I have confidence that this golfing community is the perfect town to do it. Come on Southern Pines, watcha got?!

Ybor City, Florida- In typical winter form, the whole Northeast was covered in one of the worst snow storms on record and the south, in their mild weather conditions carried on with business as usual. It’s considered a cold front in the south if the temperature drops into the forties, which causes the true southerners to bundle up in their winter attire and cover their plants anxiously while the northern transplants walk around in t-shirts and shorts commenting on the lovely weather. Perhaps the northern states should take a hint form the south and do what they do best in the winter…party. New Orleans, the child of the Greek god Party and Greek goddess All Night Long, ushered in an early Mardi Gras with their Superbowl Champions, the Saints. Rather than compete openly with their own Superbowl or Mardi Gras, a similar celebration exist in Tampa before each of these events called Gasparilla.

Gasparilla is an annual event held in Tampa, Florida, which is loosely based on a Spanish pirate Jose Gaspar who operated in Southwest Florida. No one participating in this event can really explain the story or myth behind the celebration, much like the participants of Mardi Gras, but everyone is more than ready to celebrate. It’s as if people have woken up from their hibernation with a veracious craving prepared to sink their teeth into the next party. We followed Tony Batman as he got ready to roll with a group of friends.

The night began with parking, which s always a challenge, consist of actually finding a parking spot and then paying some stranger $50 to park somewhere that, on any other day, would be worth nothing. Next, the group wondered through the crowd looking for the perfect space to cross the street. If anyone has been to a parade, they know of the Gestapo that waits and watches for people who cross in front to the floats. So they did it anyway, and it was a no-brainer that one boy could not stop five men. Suddenly someone yells, “Hey, Tony,Dan, Derrick!” And there stood Luis, a d.j. whom they knew from work, “Come on!” Luis beckoned for us to join him on a parked float. “Have a drink!” We all stood enjoying our tasty beverages and watched the floats as they passed by. Without warning, the float we were on abruptly lunged forward. Everyone began to head upstairs to the top level. From the view on top, the gate to the street opened and our float entered the parade. Tony grabbed a handful of beads and began to throw to a cheering crowd. Suddenly, we were a part of the parade, which by the way, was the best view.

The concentration of Pirate dressed crowds packed the streets with obviously enthusiastic cheers. These parades are an opportunity for people to have unadulterated fun with role-playing and costumes, a chance to be whatever fantasy they like and let loose.  Out of the blue someone yelled “Everyone duck!” Since the parade route was on an actual street, the hazard of being hit in the head with a traffic light was ever present. As the float passed through the street, Tony and his unexpected krewe threw beads while Luis kept the mood high with his music.  It was amazing to see how fast a box of beads could disappear, especially when the pace slowed and Tony ended up in front of a balcony full of women.

The route ended far too early and it was as if the float crossed an imaginary line and Luis had to immediately stop his music. It was like a cop just busted up a party, which was kind of what they did. “Everyone off the float.” Tony, Derrick, Dan, Manu, and the rest of the group had a VIP reserved in a bar down the street. In all of the passion and gusto of the bead throwing, they forgot to jump off at their stop, the whole reason for being there. So through the “No Fun Zone” they walked. Derrick was walking telling a story to Tony when a cop interrupted him saying, “You can’t walk this way”. Pay no mind to the fact that there was a group of about thirty people all walking on the same street. “C’mon retard! Get on the other side!” Sadly, this Florida parade lacked a tolerant police force.

Finally, Team Tony made it to the original destination and took their spot from atop on a balcony, thanks to their French entrepreneur friend Manu. It was there that the crowds began to gather and chant “Show your tits!”. Once again the police appeared, this time in large groups of fifteen to twenty, for boob watch patrol.  Of course, it is a delicate balance to determine what is fun and what is violent, but we have hope that Gasparilla will take a que from their sister city New Orleans and become more lax and less like a crochety grandparent.

The night of excitement ended at a local pizza joint before the krewe made their way back to the car in the $50 parking spot, which by now was worth nothing again. Hanging with Tony, one never knows what to expect. While the journey started with just going to a bar, the adventure ended up on a float in the parade and a run-in with the police before making the final destination. One would imagine everyday is an adventure with this group.

Albuquerque, New Mexico- As we drove out of the Grand Canyon State, it took about a half hour drive to go from sun and dry to overcast, cold and snow. We stopped at a rest stop and while I was waiting for Tony, an older couple came out and asked where I was headed. I told him New Mexico and he began to tell me that he and his wife had come from Sedona. “Watch out for the cops. I think Flagstaff should be clear for passing”, he said. It was amazing that in less than one hour I went from warm and sun to cold and snow-covered highways.

Ever since I first drove out to the West Coast, I have been in love with the Western part of the country. I remember driving to Las Vegas from Texas and taking I 10. I was stopped at two checkpoints and asked several questions similar to if I was crossing the border into another country. This time, we weren’t stopped but instead they had police vehicles with tall poles mounted to roof with a camera on top of that. My mild paranoia was heightened at this image and I wondered, what are they doing? I am often bothered by the Big Brother direction our country has turned, but it is going beyond, “this is what we have to do to be safe” and heading more towards peering into each and everyone of our vehicles. I should have grabbed a picture of them taking a picture of me. I guess it isn’t enough to have every stoplight armed with a camera, we now need manned police vehicles with them.

Before I digress too far and begin a tirade on the abuse of our civil liberties, I’ll move on for the benefit of the readers. This week started off with my birthday. I have had to work on most my past birthdays and this was the first one I had off and it rocked! I didn’t care what time I got up that day, I was in NO rush to do ANYthing, I didn’t have to go to work that day, Tony didn’t work on the computer (most of the day, he cracked at the end) and I was going to eat whatever I wanted and NOT workout. I wanted to see Avatar so we paid our $15 ticket (are ya’ll sure we’re in a recession?). I sat down in my chair in the movie theatre holding on to my extra large popcorn and extra large Mr. Pipp. The whole experience was so refreshing. I finished up the day with two huge pieces of cake and Tony succumbing to his computer work.

We started off this week’s gig by going to the wrong club. And on our way to the club we drove past a car that was on fire on the side of the road. I mean flames shooting out of all four doors fire. Ignoring this bad omen we went from T.D.’s Showclub with a packed parking lot to Fantasy World with a less than packed parking lot. So we did what we always do and made a party happen anyway. It turns out our performances were going to be between two clubs, with a promotional visit to the third, the busy one. We met the manager, d.j., and helper, named D.J., T.J. and R.J. (yeah, I’m serious). R.J. was the best helper we have had to date. He was there at the club ready to go about an hour before we got there, he drove us where we needed to go, made sure we had drinks, got the promo table ready, knew the local good eating spots and little tid bits about Albuquerque, like the fake mountain that has missiles built into so when there is a threat the tops of the mountains are blown off to reveal the missiles underneath. That was the second omen.

Determined to stay on our healthy diet, Tony and I always find two things in each city, a gym and a salad bar. Each carries it’s own adventure as we mingle with the locals yet everyone knows you are the foreigner. Apparently we found, THE gym in Albuquerque. When you workout regularly you notice when are the peak times and peak days of working out, so we try to avoid those times. We did and it didn’t matter, this place was packed all the freakin’ time. It was like being in a sweaty crowd headed towards Mecca. Then we went to the salad bar, my life sounds so glamorous, right? Right before we pulled in to the parking lot, two school buses arrived. Tony had a look on his face like someone just told him he was going to pay for all those kids. “Let’s just try it” I said. We walked in…. and we walked out. So we found another salad bar, which our trusty helper R.J. mentioned and had salad.

Keeping a close eye on the weather all week, we noticed it started behind us, then was on top of us, then ahead of us as it moved perilously across the country. This drama has followed us on our sixteen-week tour, but we have been lucky to avoid it…until now. Today we head to Florida for our two million mile drive into the frigid air. I can’t wait for the warm Florida sun.

Ladies and gentlemen, in my quest to become more involved in the industry, I have jumped in head first and embraced ALL facets of the industry and it lead me straight to my first porn set!

We drove through the driving rain and the partly flooded winding roads towards the museum type home that was rented for the shoot that day. As we parked the car in the narrow driveway, knowing we would be blocked in soon, Tony and I stepped into the house. Lee, the make-up Wizard, was transforming a petite, laid-back British girl into a United Kingdom bombshell. The former Club Jenna contract star looked over and gave a heavy accented “Hello.” God, I could listen to her say anything, I thought. The director Chris Streams (check name) sat relaxed in the “director’s chair” (it really was a director’s chair), calmly observing everyone in the room. Being that I was the fish out of water here, I didn’t know what to expect. The mellow relaxed mood that the others felt was a stark contrast to my nervousness.   This was to be McKenzie’s first big interracial scene and you would have thought it was mine with how goofy I acted and felt. Just sit down and be quiet, I thought to myself. Right at that moment Tony said, “Didn’t you have some questions for McKenzie?” Oh yeah, right. Get a grip, girl.  “Hey McKenzie. Can I ask you a couple of questions while you finish getting ready?” She smiled “Okay, go ahead, sweetie. Ask me anything.” She began to undress, “Oh, I forgot my lotion. Lee do you have some? Thanks” She was naked by then and began to lather lotion on herself. UUHHHHH. I felt like a guy must feel when he approaches a beautiful woman and tries to talk to her. I have been around plenty of nude people and I even won Miss Nude Entertainer of the Year two year in a row and here I was feeling very aware that she was naked and wow, were her breast massive. Can you tell this is my first time? Miss Lee was very easy-going and I began to relax simply from the energy she gave off.  She continued to answer my questions while Chris buttoned her up in an ivory corset. It was an ironic site to see this masculine man delicately putting this very feminine piece of clothing on such a petite-framed woman. Just a funny note in my head.  “Okay I’m ready”, she stated and then her nymph-like form waltzed to the door. I looked at Tony. That was our que. On to the den.

We all moved to the den, I think it was the den, there were about twelve rooms in that place that could have classified as a den. The still photos for the box cover came first. McKenzie’s experience and professionalism were apparent as she posed skillfully. During the photos her nipples kept popping out and it didn’t matter how many times she tucked her massive breast back in, her nipples popped right back out like disobedient children (didn’t really bother anyone as you could imagine). My favorite pose was when she sat on top of the pool table on all fours with her rear up in the air and her head lowered, her hair was so thick and full of curls that just fell over her head. She looked so sexy and inviting. It was a great visual, plus that is my favorite sexual position.

Like I said, this was McKenzie Lee’s first interracial scene and it finishes with a pop shot by five black guys.  All of the actors were there patiently waiting for their time to come, while Mr. Marcus would perform the main part of the feature exclusively with Lee. I looked out the window at the infiniti pool thinking So, how does this work? Do they perform in timed segments, or do they just go?  Then I heard “Okay let’s do this. Quiet everyone, rolling!” Wait, wait, are they filming?! Where am I supposed to look? Can I look? I must have looked pretty bug-eyed because Tony said  “Do you want to go?” “No. I’m good. Um, am I supposed to look? Should I look somewhere else”, I said. “They don’t mind if you look. That’s why they’re making the movie.” I’m lucky I have such a patient man. I got control of my “deer in the headlights” look and watched. Then I looked away real quick. Stupid catholic guilt. I looked again. Can you tell this is my first time? My first look at my first porn was McKenzie Lee giving Mr. Marcus an incredible blowjob.  I was intrigued. It’s kind of like a train wreck…you can’t look away. They were so in synch. They were so believable. They were good actors.  As the intensity increased the positions changed. They were on the pool table, from the pool table to the couch, from the couch to the floor, from the floor back to the pool table. The air began to have a thick intensity to it that was literally palpable. Wow, this is way more fun than watching it on a tape, I thought. My favorite point of the filming came when Mr. Marcus wrapped his arm around Lee and swung her petite frame off of the pool table and on to his waist in one movement without them ever breaking motion and she began to ride him. That’s a neat trick, I mused. From her beginning when she won “Best New Starlet”, it was obvious that the subsequent years were used to polish her talent because I totally bought that she was enjoying herself. You go McKenzie with your first interracial scene!

Honestly, by this point I no longer felt strange watching. The odd part came when I had to use the restroom. This meant that I had to walk across the room, through the set as the five guys were “preparing” for their “shot”. I tried to navigate a path through the maze of penises when I heard “I wouldn’t walk that way if I were you”. Everyone laughed and I am sure I turned red. Can you tell this is my first? I tripped and bumped into lights and looked like a newborn gazelle that’s just learning to stand up and walk. I compare it to Alice in Wonderland with Lee Bang stroking himself and looking at me like the caterpillar on the mushroom saying, “Who are YOU?” I looked at myself in the mirror before I left the restroom. Okay, don’t run into any penises. Got it? Now, I was back next to Tony and he looked at me “You were braver than me” he smirked. Even with the unfamiliarity of it all, there was a light-hearted and well-organized atmosphere in which everyone was had a job to do and they did it. Even the new guys did their job, which I hear doesn’t always run smoothly. I was learning all kinds of stuff that day.

Tony stood in the garage smoking a cigarette and looked at the now blocked in car. “Well, what did you think of your first porn set?” he asked. Scary, crazy, odd, bewildering, bizarre, peculiar, educating, insightful, thrilling! I slowly looked at Tony and calmly asked, “So when are we going to our next porn?”

In summation, here is my interview with McKenzie and I really wished I had recorded it, because she has the most charming accent.

How long have you been doing adult movies?

Since I was 22 yrs old. I took a break for three years to have kids. Your body changes after you have kids. I am not as flexible as I was before. But I’m back and this is going to be my year. 

What is it about this movie that made you want to do it?

I wanted to do something different. I knew that I wanted to work with Chris Streams because I know his reputation and I knew he would show me in a light that I wanted to be seen in. Chris uses great stuff, expensive, nice clothing…and since it is my first interracial scene, I wanted it to be good.

Okay, so you’re about to do the scene. What kind of thoughts are going through your head right now?

I’m really excited. I’m really nervous. I get these nervous butterflies in my stomach, which is cute, right? I get the same thing whenever I dance. It reminds me of when I won “Best New Starlet” at AVN. I was blown away, I mean really shell-shocked. I was literally shaking so bad of nerves, I barely even heard them say my name. (I wish you could hear her cute accent, because when she says the word “literally” it sounds like “litrally”). I have known Chris for years and I feel comfortable with him, so it feels kind of like working with a best friend. It’s a big day in my career.